im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
