I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
