nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
North Korea, Best Korea!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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