it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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