I think im going to throw up on grandma
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
