JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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