If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
