the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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