Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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