Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
