Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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