I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
