You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
