i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
