I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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