he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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