What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
