you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
