Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
