please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
