can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
