Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
