i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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