I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
