I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
