Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
