3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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