hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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