wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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