I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
