If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
