He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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