guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
