totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
