Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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