is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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