I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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