I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
