when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
