Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
