Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
