My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
