i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
