tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
