with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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