he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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