Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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