Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.