I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.