dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period