now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i barfeds in our rink
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.