My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
