YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
