We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
