Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
