when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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