There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
