forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
