mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
