I am in a vortex of obligation.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
