You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
