Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
