real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
