I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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