Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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