Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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