Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
