dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize