If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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