I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
